(This in the continuation of the "What is Love?" post series)
True Love does not have to Compromise. When you find your “other” half, you will not have to compromise your view, values, ethics, or ways. Actually, you are asked to be more eccentric, daring, and carefree. Your fears disappear. When you are with another TRUE LOVE, who has mastered this art form, the true being of yourselves feed off each other like a fusion reactor, growing in magnitude and power each day. You fuse, burn and are reborn as a greater self. The ego does not die, but becomes a super-ego of we and us. Instead of being asked to be LESS of yourself, you are FORCED to be MORE of YOUR TRUE self. You discover hidden abilities, and powers. You become more childlike, in innocence and thinking. You become clearer in your purpose in life, and truer to the perfect image of yourself. You discover the unborn divinity within you.
Unfortunately, many people believe that True Love involves compromising who you really are. Yes, there are times and places for compromise, but being in love with the other half of you that resonates at the same frequency and harmonic is NOT ONE OF THEM (see my dark matter post for a explanation). As soon as you are asked to be LESS of yourself, you diminish not only yourself but the relationship as well. Yes, yes, yes, you are saying that every relationship requires compromise: nonsense. When you are with your other half, your “soul mate” so to speak, there is no need to compromise. You bend and weave together like a beautiful tapestry, adding color and substance to each others’ lives. Yes, this is why TRUE LOVE and finding a SOUL MATE is so rare. It is usually because we start off all our relationships with compromises and in the end, settle for something less that what we want or deserve. If you want TRUE LOVE, do not compromise yourself for anything less than what you deserve!
Now, some people will settle for something less, something more ordinary and mundane in a love relationship. As a Master of Love, I have found whenever I have to compromise or back off from my true self, the relationship usually ends shortly thereafter. Others are able to “eat crow” in order to stay in a diminished capacity relationship, and bravo for them. What I am saying, is when you “discover” your True Love, something truly magical will happen and compromise is not part of the equation.
Yes, even those who have found their True Love will have disagreements. That is part of the growing process. But these disagreements are actually opportunities to grow closer not further apart. When you are “paired” with your harmonic match, each person’s new perspective is added to the others. These “differences” are accepted for the grace and beauty they bring to the relationship as opposed to a possible gulf of ideas that could estrange each party.In contrast , when you are forced to compromise yourself or your ideals with a “difference” in a love relation, they usually turn into arguments. Then instead of focusing on the relationship, you are now developing strategies on how to “manage” your partner, or their anger, or your anger, or your feelings. This is a WASTE of TIME and if you can settle for this situation, then I pity you, for you will NEVER get to the love you deserve.
What ever you do or become, be true to yourself! Joan
Thursday, August 27, 2009
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20 comments:
I just read this post and cannot believe how insightful you are! I had to leave my last boyfriend just for this reason. When I found myself turning into a pretzel with compromise and pleading and trying to be what he wanted instead of what I really am, i just had to leave. It made me feel small and inadequate and powerless and I am NOT any of those things. So, tell me how to find the "right" love in my life please?
I totally agree with you! You are absolutely brilliant in your assessment of what Love is all about. I have some of your previous posts and this one along with Love is Freedom are by far your best! God Joan, where do you come up with his stuff anyway? This is really amazing how you are able to distill the essence of Love into bite sides nuggets that we lay people can understand. I love what you write and now am a fan of yours!
This is just so right on! Yes, every relationship I have been in, I have been asked to compromise how I acted or felt. That is just not right! I read the other two comments and have to agree fully. Love is not about compromise! Joan, you are just brilliant with this post. Hopefully, many will read this!
What a beautiful piece of writing and how very pertinent. I totally agree with you assessment Joan that Love is not about compromise, but in being all you can be.
I cannot believe how powerful your words are and how true they ring in my heart. Yes, I wish I could find someone who feels with way? I also enjoyed your Love and Dark Matter post. You are very insightful and should really be on TV or the radio! Where did you come up with all this stuff? Whomever you are in love with must be one lucky guy! Hopefully, he allows you to be you!!!
You hit the nail right on the head with this! I have found EVERYTIME I compromise myself for someone else it ALWAYS ends, and ends poorly! Together with your Love Demands Parity post, you have absolutely captured the essence of a successful relationship. Now to get the other have of the population to understand that!
This may be the most poinent thing I have ever read concerning love and relationships! I cannot believe how well you put into words what I alwasys knew in my heart! You should teach a course on love and relationships or at least write a book! Just beautiful!
You cannot possibly believe that this is all there is to love can you? I have always heard love was all about compromise and now you are saying it isn't? Not to be a party pooper but I think you are wrong.
Your words strike a powerful cord with me and are so very insightful! Wow!
A friend of mine told me about this blog, and I have to say that this is one of the most powerful posts I have ever read. I just broke up with my boyfriend, and of course am so very broken hearted, but these words help put it into perspective of what went wrong in my relationship. I was not something to be owned or controlled, but to be loved for who and what I am. God, I feel terrible but see that someone else in the universe can share my woes. Thank you Joan for this post! It has helped a wounded and weary soul.
Wow, this is contrary to everything I was ever taught about love and relationships! Still, thinking about all the relationships I have been in, it seems as when I did compromise, I was asked to compromise more and more. So, be true to yourself? After reading this post, I seem to understand a little bit more.
When you are adked to be something you are not, you are NOT in Love and you should move on? I wish love came with a guide book. How has your success been with love Joan? Do you have a guy who does not ask you to compromise but rises you up? This is very interesting..
I told my ex-boyfriend again and again that if he expected me to be anything other than who I am, then we should not be together. You have now put to words what I have felt all my life. If I am forced to be something I am not when I am with a man, then I guess I should keep moving! Love is not compromise! It is about being true and free! God, you are so very brilliant in what you write! This is powerful stuff, and you should teach classes are something about this instead of just writing a blog!
I was reading another website and we got linked to this posting. I read it some time ago and actually told my girlfriend about it primarily because she had been asking me to be something a little different that what I really am. Our relationship used to be great, but lately she started controlling my actions, who I could see, what to say, etc. We were thinking of getting married, but something was not right and I had her read your blogs. This one really hit home and now, well, now she understands what was going on. She was having some stress in her life and was taking it out on me. She now knows how I feel and is so very sorry. You really should write a book or something about this. We also liked the one about Freedom and Practice. Man I mean all of them are pretty interesting, but seem to be very true and accurate in how you approach love. Hard to believe, in all the things I have read on love and relationships, that I luckily stumbled upon yours and it has mended my relationship with the woman I am going to marry.
This is just so incredibly true! Where did you come up with this???? I am just so impressed by your words and insight and wisdon! I wish I had read this BEFORE my recent breakup. I will be sure to tell all my friends about it. Incredible that anyone in the world would understand that when you become less in a relationship, the relationship is therefore somehow less.
I read this blog some time ago, just before I started dating my current boyfriend, and I have to say, the relationship so far has been totally differnt that anything I expected. Of course, I told him about much of what you have written, and at first, he seemed like he would back away, but recently, he has really started to see the value of what I have told him, and essentially, what you have written.
I just cannot believe it! I was at my wits' end concerning men, and I said oh what the hell, and by God it is working! I am feeling more and more confident everyday and cannot believe that I might indeed have found someone who can respect me for me, and NOT ask me to be something I am not.
Thank you Joan for your excellent words of wisdom.
Wow, I read this multiple times and I still cannot believe what you are saying!!! This is so contrary to what everone else thinks: Love IS compromise; but in reality, it really isn't! When you start to compromise, you start to become something you are not, and then your begin to resent yourself, and when you do that, how can you possibly love someone else?
Either you are the wisest person or the most niave, I do not know which, but I can tell you that no one else states it like you do. Since everything else I have tried regarding relationships usually end badly, I might as well try this and see if I can find true love, and at a minimum at least find out early if the relationship will work.
Is there any way you can talk to my girlfriend? She can really use this advice?
All she wants is for me to compromise what I feel and think and align myself to her desires. Reading this I think I should break up with her? I wish there was a course on this?
This is pretty amazing stuff BTW.
This is a really interesting blog? Where did you come up with this? I have read some of the other comments, and it seems like you have really made an impact? Do you do a podcast or have a book? I just got out of a relationship with honestly, I was trying to make the guy I was dating compromise his sensibilities, and I wish I had read this beforehand! Oh well, maybe next time?
At first when I read this, I did not agree with it! I thought love is all about compromise, but when I thought about it more, I realized that I was wrong in my thinking.
All the relationships that I have had that have failed, I was compromising (or she was) something in it. At first, I thought is was just what you did when you were in love, but then, the demands for more and more "compromises" started to rear its ugly head, and eventually we had to split.
I did not think some psychic could have so much wisdom.
Boy are these words true!!! Especially about you will never bet the love you want if you are NOT true to yourself!!!
I have wasted so much time in relationships that on day one I felt I had to make a compromise. It is also amazing how many of my girlfriends are in the same boat, and they never last!!
I wish I could find one guy who loves me for me and wants me to be all I can be!
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