Love is NOT Security

(This in the continuation of the "What is Love?" post series)

Let me repeat. Love does NOT give you security. In actuality, to love and accept love you must first be secure in yourself. I know what I just said is going to be very controversial, but in order to truly be in LOVE and to be able to give LOVE fully, completely, to be that master of Love, you first have to be secure in yourself. Essentially, you have to be able to Love yourself. Yes, I know it sounds cliché, but it really, really, really is true. I see so many relationships where one of the individuals “thinks” they are in love, or understand the intricacies of Love, but it really is just lust or want because they do not understand themselves and their needs and wants. They have not taken the time to see where they are lacking in the ability to love, and they do not possess the security to be able to love themselves.

While your significant other may appear to be secure in their life and person, they may demonstrate some latent and obvious signs of insecurity prior to you ever getting together. Some of the signs of insecurity include: Wanting to Sleep together too soon; Wanting to move in together; Looking (checking out) at other people of the opposite sex excessively; a long string of serial relationships (going from one “fix” to another); manipulating your schedule so as to spend all your spare time with them; excluding your friends; and the inability to be flexible. Real security allows you to give your partner the freedom (see Love is about Freedom, not Possession post) they need.

Of course, the opposite of insecurity is confidence. Confidence is something that does not come with looks, money, power, etc.. It is also NOT about ego, but about the quiet knowledge that you are capable of achieving any goal or getting out of any bad situation you might happen to be in. Confidence comes with the security of truly knowing yourself and in the knowledge that everyday you strive to make yourself as good a person you possible can be.

I am not saying that when two people REALLY Love each other they are not secure in their Love, they are, because they are first secure in themselves. Security in the relationship comes for the security in each individual in the bond. Lao Tzu once stated "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." The duality of security, It is the ying and yang of Love. In actuality, Strength and Courage are two essential ingredients in creating the life of love you deserve. These two ingredients are essential to any relationship involving love. To possess strength and courage is to have confidence and from that confidence you must be secure in yourself and in your abilities. So, how do you go about developing this security in your ability to Love and to Love yourself? I will explain in my subsequent posts.

Here is to getting to love yourself!
Joan