(This is a continuation of the What is Love? series of posts)
The smell of a rose, the tickle of breath on your neck, the soft kiss on your lips, the caress of fingers on you’re your fingertips, running hands through your hair, the taste of salt on another’s skin, the smell of summer in an embrace, the soft feel of lips pressed against eachother. Yes, LOVE is IN the Details. The little things: cards, letters, glances, gifts, sighs, hugs, touches, and aches when you are apart. LOVE is NOT just about sex, although it is a beautiful expression of it. LOVE is Fusion, becoming ONE with the OTHER, something greater than each of you can ever possibly be alone. Love is the soft breeze at night, the chill of the first frost of winter, the song of a nightingale, the breathless whisper in the night, a head on your lap, a gentle hand rubbing your back. Love is the shield and the sword of valor, the constant star of kindness, the tender mercy of thoughtfulness. Great LOVE is in very SMALL things and actions. These little things make Love the Magical thing that it is! When these no longer have an effect on you with your significant other or are not done at all, then Love is gone and you should move on.
Yes, actually these little signs are very much like the canary in a coal mine. When they cease to exist then the oxygen is gone from the relationship and something vitally important is missing. It is not the death knell, but it is a good sign that your relationship is no longer flourishing and something is amiss. Now is the time to either get it rekindled and breathe some air into it or go your separate ways. It is funny, just like when Lao Tzu said, “Great acts are made up of small deeds.” So to is it with love. Just being in the same room moves you, just getting to speak to your significant other, or watch a movie or discuss music or talk about the summer rains, or times when you were kids. Funny, Love is in the details.
All my heart goes out to you in your quest of finding these little detials in your life! --Joan
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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18 comments:
I just loved all you posts! This is so true. Love and God is in the details!
Sad to say this is so true. Little things in a relationship make a big difference! Unfortunately, it seems like guys do not sweat the details, and just seem to dial it in and expect the best with little effort.
Joan, this might be considered a long comment, but I first have to tell you that I broke up with my boyfriend about 9 months ago. Recently, I met another guy after I starting reading your blog posts and I did a little experiment. I was going to put into practice the stuff you wrote in your blog, you know parity and freedom, etc. I told my present boyfriend, Tom, what I wanted and that I was not going to settle. Over a period of time, I showed him your posts and at first he sort of shrugged them off, but little by little he started to see that this relationship was really something he had come to cherrish and want to work at. I keep going back to them every now and again because I forget some of the stuff, but I have to tell you I have never been happier or more in love. Is it a coincidence? Maybe. Maybe I just picked the right guy because I was reading your stuff or I just got lucky, but I have to think your writings are really why this relationship is working so well! God, I wish I meet you and thank you in person! we have only been dating for about 3 months. Just a little after I read your Need v. Want post, and I have been following you ever since.
God, you just have some much wisdom and knowledge when it comes to love and relationships. Is this some of your psychic ability or just what you have observed over the time you have been giving advice. I am still awed by "Love is Freedom, not Possession" and "Love Demands Parity" posts. Really, all of them are really good. Sort of like a guide on how to work at love and become a master!
I am amazed on how stupid I used to be concering relatioships and I am a little scared about this one because I just do not want to blow it. Still, I am getting more confident every day and feel with a lot of work and practice and can learn to truely love and be loved for me!
Thank you Joan from the bottom of my heart. It it means anything to you, you have helped make one person really, really, really happy.
I hope this comment helps with your credibility.
With love and affection,
Anna
I was reading some poetry on line and saarched for a poem about details and your blog came up. Of course, being ADHD I read it, and all the other posts you wrote. Joan, you really know a lot about love. You really have a poetic look on life and love and I like the way you phrase things. Yes, love is in the details and you dear have helped an old soul see that!
Wow! I just got finished reading all your posts about love, and since this seems to be your last post, I thought I would leave my message here! I just cannot believe your insight into the workings of love, especially about love and freedom and the one about compromise. Holy shit woman, these is really heady stuff and I cannot find anywhere else on the web writings like this. Do you do seminars or webcasts? Are these your words or are they from someone else or a bunch of people. I will keep coming back to these for reference and tell my friends about this site.
The one post that really blew my mind was about parity. I have never thought about love that way, and I guess that is why so many relationships fail?
Anyway, thank you for the incredibly insightful words and keep on writing. These are beautiful as they are wise
It is with a heavy heart that I post these comments. I had met a guy who lived and breathed love as you described in your previous posts, and about 6 months ago we broke up primarily because I could not believe it to be true!
I have been so very depressed because I was so scared of being in a relationship with him. I thought he was too good to be true, so, I well, was unfaithful.
Why he says he still loves me, I think that thing about parity is true. He told me that I was not ready to love him, and he needed someone in his life who could.
I wish I had read this blog 6 months ago! What a fool I am. He is everything I or any woman could possibly wanted, and what did I do? Act like a total moron! Jealous, suspicious, envious, childish. Now, all I have is a broken heart and am alone.
Thanks for putting up these posts as hopefully they will help other women (and men) who might be acting like I did?
You know, Scarlette is right!
I cannot believe how beautiful all your posts are! I just recently got divorced, and I have been so very depressed blaming myself for the failure of my marriage, but now I see that it really was not my fault. I wanted more than my ex could give me, and he really did not put the effort in to love me the way I needed or wanted to be loved!
I thought the problem was all mine, but your words have given me some insight as to what was missing in my previous relation(s).
I wish there was a class you gave or a reference book you wrote? I looked at your website and could not fine one?
Anyway, I see this as an early Christmas present to myself. Thank you Joan for the help!!!
Joan, these posts are incredible. Do you have a book or some program that goes into more detail? It would be excellent if I could learn more about how see these items can help in relationships. I too hold these similar thoughts about love and life and am looking for a better way to improve and discover my true love.
Anything you can do would help?
This is probably the most beautiful and true thing I have ever read!! I was told about this from a friend, and after reading your posts multiple times, I cannot believe how much insight and wisdom you have!!
Is there a book or something else you have on line? Do you do a webinar or some training for this?
You are really a blessed soul in conveying this information. Hopefully, someone loves you in this way too!!!
I cannot believe I am writing this on Christmas Eve but my heart is broken and I found your blog and thought it might be therapeutic to do so. First, your writing is really beautiful, touching, inspiring, and so full of emotion. I do not know where to begin. I met a guy, a great guy, an unbelievable guy, who for some unknown reason, I pushed away. It is funny, in a lot of ways he is very much like the things you speak of in your posts. He often told me how to really be able to love you need to practice, and that love is NOT about compromise. Sometimes he was very intense, and of course the sex was excellent, but that is not what I am writing about.
I am trying to figure out why I pushed him away and if I can ever get him back? Maybe I got scared or something, but I cannot understand why I ache for him so. I got angry at him because he said he was in love with me and I thought he was just saying that to get into my pants (although I did not mind it). He helped me with just about everything; but what I miss the most was the friendship we developed. He was not only kind; he was funny, and fun to be with. He took me to places I had never been and introduced me into his life with no reservations, but for some unknown reason I got scared and started to blame him for shit that happened in my past that was NOT his fault. Now, I am so miserable I cannot stand it. I am sure he hates me (although he says he still loves me he has not contacted me), I just feel so ashamed for hurting him.
All he ever told me was how great I was and how he would always love me and he never ever did anything to every make me doubt that except get upset when I started “playing my little games!” Fuck Joan, why cannot I just be normal and accept the love he wanted to give me.
Hell, most of my past boyfriends were so boring and stupid it was painful, and then I meet this smart, successful, really good looking guy who just got out of long term relationship and I freak? Why would I do that?
Anyway, I am in so much pain I cannot stand it!! Do you offer some sort of book or tapes or courses to help get through this? I have gone to my psychologist and they just blah, blah, blah and my friends are not much better. I just cannot stand being away from him and I miss him so much (and it is not about the sex). He had this intensity that is hard to describe. A real passion for life.
God everyone said we were a perfect couple!!! And I blew it. I never had so much fun, so what is wrong with me? I never was so secure or happy, and something inside me just could not believe a guy like this could exist! What should I do? I am just so confused and hurt and sad….
Anyway, if you want to respond to this you can reach me at theredheadgoddess@gmail.com. I wanted to write this comment because I really feel that you can help girls like me and to give props to the beauty of your writing!
Merry Christmas and I hope I get a response from you.
Joan, this post is just incredible!!! You really have a keen and accurate insight into how love works and what makes you happy. I especially like the parity example about a cheetah and also about how love is NOT about compromise!!
BTW, do you have any books or other stuff? I would buy one of your if you have it?
I have read your post twice now, and cannot believe you have not added any more in months!!! Do you have a book out on this? I see you were planning on writing one? If you could post your answer, that would be great.
This may be the most insightful blogs on love I have ever read!!! I cannot believe you are not better know on the national scene? Are you planning on writing anything else. I am depereate to see more of your insigths.
I have read cards for over 25 years, worked as a healer, ect, however Joan is the BEST card reader ever. I love her, and I am addicted to her for life. It was the best reading of my entire life. Very Very Accurate.
Highly Recommended.
This is a beautiful wonderful blog, so glad I found it.
Love, Maresa
When I re-connected with my very first ever boyfriend, I realized that this is what I'd been missing for 15 yrs. It very much was all the little things. The way we always have to have physical contact (holding hands, sitting close together, knees touching, arms touching... something) the way he echoes my thoughts & finishes my sentences. He always was my other half, it just took us a while to figure it out! No one gets inside my head and my heart the way he has. Love is definitely in the details. :-)
This may be the most beautiful thing I have ever read..yes Joan, love IS in the details...I am so lucky to have a man in my life who totally understands this..thanks for sharing!
I cannot believe how insightful this post is...I showed this to my boyfriend, and it totally changed his feelings about so many things in our relationship...thank you Joan for your insight!
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